I'm letting go.

I'm in this fight, and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
It's hard, I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand, and I can barely stand
I'm lost in this dream...
I try to be patient, but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting...
And I can't find my way...

But really, does it matter?
Fufufu.^^

I don't know actually. Right now I'm just...floating.
I'm not stuck..no, not anymore. But you know...the moments will always be there.
Whatever that was, back then & now, it will never be erased.
It will forever stand as a single entity, an isolated memory of what once was.

I'm happy now.
I breathe without difficulty and smile without a trace of crookedness.
I still have a hard time sleeping at night though.^^
But no worries! I'm not the type that broods over things for long.

Right now, when I look back at everything, I realize all the folly and unconscious shrewd evil things that I've done. (emo^^)
That's why I am undergoing a certain 'reconstruction' process~XDDD YAY YAY YAY~!
And I'm doing good. (Or so my doctor says.*shhh*)

To my past 'trespassees':

little J. I guess you're not little anymore. I mean, you've stepped out of our little world a year ago and probably, you've gotten bigger now. Inside and out. I hope that someday we see ourselves talking like old friends. I know I've never really asked for your forgiveness, bcoz for a very long time I believed that I don't deserve it. Sometimes I still do but now I believe that everybody deserves forgiveness. I really hope to see you at the end of that road.XD

bebe J. I know that of all the people in this list, you're my number two. I love you from the depths of the innards of my heart.^^ but I've done you the most wrong. I betrayed you and threw you down to hell. For the longest time I couldn't bear to forgive myself and sometimes I still think that I'm not deserving but like what I said to your little J, people deserve chances. And I'm really hoping that you'll give me this chance to be your best friend and your sister once more. I love you.

skinny N. I'm sorry to have dragged you in to this. Really. But I guess the fault wasn't really all mine. At one point, we were the same. We longed for the same warmth, the same kiss, the care. I'm sorry to have tried to hold on to something that I knew was long gone from me. It could have saved us all from some of the hell that we've been through. But I guess I really am stubborn.^^ I promised to be a friend right? I'll do my very best to fulfill that promise. I hope that you don't mind. A few months will perhaps do the trick.XD Thank you so much for everything and I hope that you take care of things from now on.

big-eyed baby. Oooh~!!!! I've got loads to tell you but I don't know where to start. It feels as if we've spent a lifetime in each other's heads & hearts that now, I feel, I feel like even if things have already come to this, we'll still keep contact with each other. Friends, right? I'm gonna miss you a lot though. I know that words will never be enough to convey all the things that I feel and think about you and us, but I am putting my faith on the time that heals all things. I'll never forget you. Though the sun fails to rise and the stars burst with darkness, my heart, my soul, my entire being will forever remember you. Be good ok? Try not to be mean to people and make your mom and whoever newbie it is, happy. I wish you all that there is good in life. Oh and never give up! I know you'll make it someday.^^ You'll always be a part of me.

THERE. I've said it.
I bet you're happy now DOC.XDDDD
Thanks.^^